Today is one of those days where I am feeling very sentimental and thankful for those I have in my life. Tomorrow might be different; I might wish I was on an island all by myself for a couple days, tanning and drinking Strawberry Daiquiri’s while Skyping my husband and my kids. But, today I just feel blessed and this quote is a big reason why.
This quote has changed the way I feel about others as well as how I feel about myself. I remember exactly how I stumbled upon it one day. This was maybe 14-15 years ago; it was sewn on a pillow that my mom had either on her own bed in my childhood home or in her camper; I really cannot remember which. However, I do remember what ran through my head when I read it. I was playing around and then I paused and took a moment to think about the meaning of this quote. I thought about my faults and my personality flaws and the flaws I saw in others. I thought about what this quote meant to my parents and then what it meant to myself, as a human being.
Before I met my husband, who I have been with since I was 18 (13 years ago), I often wondered if anyone would love me or like me enough even after they knew everything about me. Literally, I wondered this each and every day. My parents have an amazing relationship; they are eachother’s best friends, they do weird and gross things in front of the other, and are just madly in love. I was so envious and wondered if I would find anyone to have that type of relationship with. I always thought I was too weird, an outsider, a loner, too short, had too much of a stutter, was too silly, not cool enough, too boring, etc.
Then, as soon as I read this quote, I immediately realized that none of that mattered, that there is most assuredly someone out there who would learn all of this about me and will STILL love me.
I would also sit and write down all of the qualities of a man I had wanted, figuring it would be a looonggg time until I found that “perfect” man.
Thank God my mom had this pillow on her bed because it helped me understand that everyone, just like me, has flaws. Everyone has their own qualities, their own personality traits that make them who they are. Everyone does weird and gross things, such as burp, pick their butt, belch, fart, poop, has OCD’s, is too lazy, is too energetic, loves coffee, hates coffee, I could go on and on.
Most importantly, I also forgot about MY own flaws and told myself I am just human and that there is nothing wrong with me; that I am capable of being loved. Basically, I ensured I wasn’t so hard on myself from there on out.
After seeing that pillow, I forgot about the “perfect” man I was in search of. Instead, I understood that one day I will find someone, and that I would have to accept his “flaws” because he would have to accept mine. And if I didn’t find that person, I would be okay.
I met my husband when my mom forced me to get a job at Culver’s when I was 18. At first, I judged him and I judged myself. I didn’t like his appearance and I thought I was too shy to make any friends. Within two weeks all of that changed. He secretly had a crush on me, but he didn’t show it because he too judged me. He felt I was too stuck up because I wouldn’t talk to anyone, which was not at all accurate. One day he just decided to be himself and to talk to me. When he did, I could tell he was different right away. He was so funny and communicated so well with friends and with customers. I LOVED this about him and so I decided to give him a chance. I am glad I did because we are 13 years into our relationship. I strongly feel that if I didn’t open myself up to him, as he wasn’t “my type”, I would not have found someone so well matched to me and my personality.
What I have learned in life thus far is that everyone seems to have a type and I think that that limits oneself to a whole host of wonderful people. I thought I had a type, but that changed when I looked past someone’s “flaws” and saw him for who he really was. I wish people, especially celebrities in marriages, would put much more effort into relationships, marriages, and even with being content with themselves.
I know I’m not an expert on love and certainly have my own huge flaws, but I know that there is something “wrong” with everyone and that that’s completely okay.
This also holds true for friends. While growing up, I had many friends up until I entered high school. Granted, I switched to a completely new town and school when I was a freshmen, so I didn’t know many people and had to start over. I didn’t think this would be such a challenge because I had many friends in middle school, but it sure was. I was able to make a friend right away with someone who was practically just like me. We were best friends up until our Junior year, and then she decided to spend most of her time with her other friends. Throughout those four years, I had many acquaintances rather than true friends. I didn’t have those close friends who saw me every day, talked to me on the phone, and who I told my deepest, darkest secrets to. I didn’t have that, at all. Most of it was my fault; I was very antisocial and just generally didn’t care to get to know others and didn’t care for others to get to know me. All I cared about was my best friend at the time, my family, and spending my time with my twin.
Here is a picture of my twin and I (I am on the left):
After I read that quote, I tried much harder to connect with others and to accept them for who they were, but more importantly, to stop judging myself. When I hit college, that is when I became more open and outgoing. This was also conveniently around the time when I met my current best friend.
We met when I was a Certified Nursing Assistant at a nursing home we both worked at. We instantly connected. She was/is someone I can totally and completely be myself around. She is the only person in the world who knows everything about me and STILL loves me. I am actually surprised she hasn’t ran straight for the hills yet. I do the same for her though. I feel very blessed to have someone I can go to when I need advice and just to have someone who completely understands me. We’ve been friends for 10 years and even better, we always will be. I realized that there is no such thing as a “perfect” friend and that I won’t ever be a “perfect” friend, though I strive to be for her. We accept eachother’s flaws and I couldn’t be happier; I really don’t think I could ever live without her.
People often forget that no one is perfect and that there is no such thing as the perfect partner, the perfect parent, child, sister, brother, aunt, and even friend. We shouldn’t be dwelling on someone else’s flaws nor on our own; we should learn to accept others for who they are and to accept ourselves.