Warning:  This article contains foul language

This is an article I HAD to write.  The theme of this article has been on my mind ever since I read the first book of the 50 Shades trilogy.  It just had to be done.  I also don’t think I am the only one who feels this way.  Important Note:  I am NOT greedy or materialistic, but I do know that money changes people and their personalities.  So, just keep that in mind as you read this!

As with most women across the world, I fell in love with 50 Shades of Grey.  I fell in love with the theme and the characters, but not with the writing or with some of Anastasia’s and Christian’s personal characteristics.

While reading the book and then again while watching the movie, I found some aspects to be quite unrealistic.  There were several scenes where I thought to myself, “Why didn’t she just take the money? Why does she refuse to accept the car? Why doesn’t she ask for more? She’s crazy!” So, I thought a lot about what I would change if I were to rewrite the novel.

To begin, here are a couple character aspects that I would definitely fix:

First, why in the world does Christian ALWAYS call Anastasia, Anastasia and not Ana? It got pretty annoying while both reading the novel and watching the movie.  Even when he was mad at her or questioning her about something, he would always begin with, “Anastasia”.  If I were to rewrite the book, she would be given a nickname beginning on page two-Ana.

Second, Ana is far too good and too sweet.  If I were to rewrite the novel, she would be a bit more normal:  pretty greedy (this is what happens when people come across a lot of money) and having somewhat of a potty mouth.

I pictured what I would do and be like if I were in her position:  I meet a sexy man who also happens to be a billionaire.  The guy can spend a million dollars a day and not flinch.  Shoot, he could spend $20 million dollars a day and not flinch!  So, if I were Ana, I would have been upset at him for not getting me a Lamborghini or a very expensive convertible when he decided to get her a new car.  I also would have requested some other expensive toys! Hell, I probably would have asked him to pay my rent and, well, all of my bills while he was at it.

I can’t be the only one who would understand how wealthy he is and who would want a piece of it!

But, as I said before, I would change quite a bit if I were to rewrite the novel.  Here are just a few scenes that would go differently:

I would completely rewrite the scene when he hands her the keys to her new car.  It would go similar to this:

Christian calls Ana down to the street where her car was typically parked.  Once she is there, he exclaims, “Ana, your car was not safe to drive and to be frank, it was a piece of shit.  Look-I bought you a new one!”  He hands her the keys, and turns his head towards the car he bought her, with a huge grin on his face.  Ana was going to be so thrilled!

But Christian immediately felt something was wrong.  Ana seemed…off.  She didn’t seem excited.

Ana responds, “Thank you Christian, but why the hell didn’t you get me a Lamborghini or a Rolls Royce? Do you even want me?”

Christian scratches the left side of his head, stunned at Ana’s reaction.  He wonders to himself, I thought she’d be happy.

Christian tries to explain himself. “Of course I want you Ana! I thought you’d be so happy that I did this for you. I am trying to show you how much you mean to me.  You are different from the others; you don’t seem like you care about new, fancy things.”

Ana shakes her head, astonished that he would even think such a thing.  He’s loaded; why wouldn’t she want a nice, fancy new car?

She is getting even more upset. “Then you must have been paying too much attention to my ass.  I am worth way more than this car Christian. I am beginning to feel like I am just a sex object to you.”

Christian quickly reassures her, “No, you mean so much more to me Ana.  I am so sorry baby.  I will take the car back and I will get you a Lamborghini.  Will that make you happy baby?”

Ana folds her arms across her chest and says, “Of course it would.  It would prove to me how much you care about me.  Thank you Christian.”

Here is a helicopter scene that I would also rewrite:

Christian is sure Ana will be ecstatic with what he has in store for her today.  Surely she has to fall in love with him after this adventure? He wants so badly to please her.

When Ana hops into his limo, he ties a blindfold around her head to cover her eyes.  “Ana, where we are going is very special to me.  I want you to be surprised.  Please do not take this off until I tell you to.  Do you understand Ana?”

Ana smiles.  “Of course Christian.  Are you taking me on a cruise?”

Christian’s whispers in her ear, “No Ana.  This is more meaningful to me. It is something that brings me great joy.”

They get to the airport.  He walks Ana over to his helicopter and then takes the blindfold off.  Ana sees the helicopter and screams in excitement, “Christian! You are amazing! You got me a HELICOPTER!? Oh my gosh I can’t wait to fly it!”

Christian laughs.  “No baby, this is mine.  We are going on a helicopter ride today.”

Ana’s joy turns into pure confusion.  “Well, then where is mine?” Ana turns her head slightly, gives him a smirk, and asks in a teasing voice, “Did you hide it Christian? Are we playing hide and seek baby?”

Now Christian is the one confused.  “Ana, there is only one helicopter and it is mine.  We are both riding it-I am flying and you are the passenger.  You will sit right next to me.”

Ana is dumbfounded.  “This is bullshit Christian.  You can’t bring me to a helicopter and then tell me it’s not mine!”

Christian looks down and slowly shakes his head.  Here we go again.  “Okay, you are right.  I am sorry baby.  After our helicopter ride, we will go pick one out for you.  How does that sound?’ He would do anything to satisfy her.

Ana gives him a smile.  “Sounds great baby.  I can’t wait.  You are the best!”

Remember when Ana discussed bills with Christian and he insisted on giving her around $20,000? She refused to accept it, but he transferred the money to her bank account anyways.  Yeah, that scene would also go much differently:

Christian and Ana crawl out of bed, still exasperated from their fuckery last night.  As Ana walks towards the bathroom, Christian’s eyes travel up and down her sexy, slim body.  He smiles and says, “Ana, baby, you are so beautiful.  I am so lucky to have you and I want you to be happy.  You mentioned the other day that you were struggling a bit, so I am giving you $24,000.”

Ana stops in her path to the bathroom and turns her head behind her to look at Christian.  “Christian, baby, you know I need more than that.  Twenty four thousand dollars won’t do shit with the bills I have.  Please send me a million dollars.  This will help me so much Christian.”

Christian had a preconception that $24,000 was too little for Ana.  No, she would require much more to be pleased.  Frankly, he was shocked she didn’t ask for more than a million.  After the sex they had last night, he would give her his entire fortune.

“Ana, whatever you wish.  I aim to please.”

Ana smiles, turns her head forward, and continues to the bathroom.  Still butt naked.  Christian slides his tongue across his lips in anticipation for what he is about to do.  You’re going to earn that million Ana.  He gets up and follows her to the bathroom.